Maybe I was both years back when my first love died because yes first love never dies only if there is no other person capable of loving you more and better.
Don't get me wrong. This isn't emotionally cheating my current boyfriend. But this song... it reminded me so much of how it felt -- letting go. Perhaps the reason why although we can get over the person we loved, we tend to bitter because we never really get over the feelings especially the bad ones. Scarred for life.
Six years. On and off. It was Skinny Love.
I am not here to reminisce what I've been through. But through this song and its beautiful lyrics, let me tell you what happens in a point of surrender.
Come on Skinny Love just last the year
The longer the relationship, the harder it is to leave. Even if you've already spent a quarter of your life loving that someone, you'd still feel you owe it more... even more than how much you can take... even if you know it's heading to Heartbreak Hotel anyway. You fight to postpone its destined death because you are not yet ready. You will never be ready.
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
"Everything will be okay" you continue to lie to yourself. You will come around just like how you always do, even when things have become uglier.
I told my love to wreck it all,
Cut all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right at the moment this order's tall
And in times when things become unbearable, you wish to let go. But you hold on because you love and you can't just un-love.
And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
So you try to make things work, and you try to be extra perfect. You try to meet expectations and compromise more than what you're supposed to.
And in the morning, I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines
This will keep you together but only because you're kind enough to stick with each other. Because after all the trying, you're still holding on to the person and his mistakes that is haunting you and your relationship.
Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in light brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split
There will come a time that you'll start seeing how strained the relationship is. And you realize that you are hopelessly hoping and that you've already been hurt to the point that you feel you can't take another break. You wish to let go, but only slowly.
And now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
When the breakup happens, you will think of how much love has been given, received, and now wasted. And in the end of this wasted love, you feel as if you lost yourself in the process. You are falling apart and you know there is nothing more you can do.
Then you'd start wondering about tomorrow, and ask these questions:
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
~
The greatest fallacy when holding on is perhaps the belief that we will never find another love like the one that we've fought so hard for and ended up falling apart harder from. When a relationship fails, it is not because the love wasn't enough. It's because it wasn't the love enough and meant for you.
The challenge in loving is not how long you can love, but how far you can love. We should know when to give up and embrace defeat. It is not and never easy but it will help that instead of holding on to the person that's giving you more pain than joy, hold on to the promise of a better love you deserve from someone else.
